Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Day 10

She made it to day 10. Ten days of no episodes then it hits again. I was at work when I got the call. I had my phone glued to me today and when I felt it vibrating in my pocket, I just knew. I closed my eyes and took a breath, then answered the phone. It was my mom. She was sitting with Anna at school and told me I needed to come. I grabbed my coat and bag, told my boss I was leaving, and was out the door in a flash. You would think that the calls would become easier because they happen so often, but it's never easier. It's the same heart wrenching, tummy lurching, sick feeling every single time. I drove down the highway to go pick her up. These highway drives have become a time for me to think about everything that is going on. It gives me time to calm down before I see her. I have learned to drive behind vehicles so I don't race to the school and so that I get there safely.
I got to the school, parked the vehicle, and went inside. They buzz me in right away and Anna is slumped in a chair leaning on my moms shoulder. She has no strength. Her eyes are closed and she is pale. She looked at me, with tears in her eyes, and said I just want to go home. We wheeled her out to the car and put her in the front seat. While we were wheeling her, the coaches for the soccer team were setting up on the field. I watched as Anna looked at them. She looked at the field for a few moments, then looked away. Heartbreaking.
The ride home was hard today. Usually Anna talks to me about the episode and how she is feeling. Today, she slept. She was completely done. Every few moments, one of her limbs would jerk or she would grab her head in pain and I just held on to her hand.
The latest episode is done. I can rest a bit easier for a few days knowing she most likely won't have a full blown attack. But I am sad. Sad for her. Sad for the things that she is missing out on and sad for how much pain and agony she is in. People keep telling me it will get better. I pray that it's true.

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