Tryouts

So the email came today. The email that I knew was going to come, but was hoping  wouldn't come for a while. The email saying that rep soccer tryouts are coming up. Usually this email gets me excited for the upcoming season, but this time, I'm just not ready. We need more time. We need more time to try and get Anna well enough to play. More time to give her body rest. More time to build up her confidence. More time to hopefully, miraculously, get rid of dysautonomia. Tryouts are in April. It's coming too fast. I don't want her to get on that field and collapse. I don't want her to get on that field and only last two minutes. I want her to get on that field and show everyone what she's got. Show the world that she is going to fight back and beat this. Go on that field and be like she was a year ago. But I know, deep in my heart, that it's not the same as a year ago.
She had one of her closest friends from her soccer team over the other day. We were standing in the kitchen just talking. Talking about the upcoming season and what their hopes are for it. Talking about who they wanted to be their coach and who they hoped tried out for the team. I loved listening and chiming in. I loved hearing the excitement in Anna's voice. Loved hearing Anna's passion. Loved hearing about their hopes for next season. In the middle of it all, I spoke silently asking God to please let her be well enough to play. Please give her her body back. Please don't take away what she loves.
April will be here before we know it. I'm hoping that a miracle happens before then.