Well, yesterday was rough. The day started off great and ended in a big pile of tears. Anna started her job yesterday. She did great!!! She worked a full shift and loved everyone. She came home excited to be making money. About an hour after Anna got home, she was laying on the couch completely exhausted. She was pale, sweaty and did not look good. She said something just doesn't feel right. She crawled into the spare room bed and fell fast asleep. I left her for a few hours checking on her occasionally. I eventually woke her up and she was not well at all! I sat on the edge of the bed and just talked with her. She couldn't open her eyes and could barely speak. She was listless and looked so lifeless. I left the room and spoke with Matt. I really think we made a wrong decision in letting Anna work. Her body is not ready. Her focus needs to be on her health and getting better, not on a job. For her to come home from one shift, and not be able to function, made me feel sick that I let her do this. I went back to the room and talked to Anna. We talked about the day and about working. Anna started crying. I sat with her and told her that maybe this isn't the right time to have a job. I asked her to really listen to her heart and see if she thought she could truly hold down a job. With tears running down her face, she said she's not able to. As sad as this is, it's the truth. She's too sick. I called her manager and told her the story and that at this point, Anna can't work. I explained that we didn't want her to do all the training with Anna and then have Anna have to quit down the road. It was better to pull the plug now. She was so understanding and told Anna that there will be spot ready for her when she's better. I went back and sat on the bed with Anna. I gave her a huge hug and just held her. She was so sad. She said I can't do anything that everyone else can. She said all she wants is to feel better and live a normal life. She's tired of feeling sick every single day. Tired of spending her days in bed. As I sat with her, listening to her and watching her tears fall, I broke. I cried with her. We sat together, holding hands, and cried.
Once I left the room again to let Anna sleep, I went in the kitchen and truly broke down. (I try not to let Anna see how hard it is to watch her like this) Away from Anna, I cried the big ugly tears. The tears that leave your eyes feeling like sandpaper and your face swollen and red. I sobbed. As I sit here right now, I have tears streaming down my face. I am trying so hard to accept the way things are, but it's hard. The other day, I was sitting in the living room, and Caleb came in asking what was wrong with Anna. He said she was laying on the stairs. I went to the basement stairs, and there was Anna, crumpled in a ball. She did not have the strength to walk up a flight of stairs.
I am hoping that once Anna wakes up today, she feels ok. I'm hoping it's one of her good days. She deserves it.
Thank you to all of the people that send me such heartwarming messages and words of encouragement. For sending me information that gives us hope. We appreciate it so much and truly is helping us get through this journey.